If, as we’ve said many times, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives, then it makes sense that we would take time now and then to evaluate just how healthy our relationships are.  And, since there are at least two people in each relationship, it also makes sense that this evaluation of relational health be applied to both parties.  In other words, this isn’t just about how YOU feel about THEM.  Ask these same questions of YOURSELF.  Relationships thrive when both parties are proactive about keeping them healthy.   

Below are 5 questions to ask to evaluate, improve, and understand the health of your relationship

  1. Is there a balance – do we contribute equally? Am I willing to do for them what I ask them to do for me?
  2. Do I feel safe to share thoughts/dreams without being shut down? Does my partner feel safe with me? Am I a vault into which they can place their most vulnerable feelings, experiences, dreams, and fears, and know they will be held in confidence and tenderness?
  3. Does this relationship push me to be a better person? Do I encourage growth and development in my partner, or do I simply demand that they behave in a way that only meets my needs?
  4. Do you trust this person? Can they trust me?  
  5. Do I enjoy my time with them? Do they enjoy their time with me?  Do I consider their feelings and preferences when planning things together? Do I let them be fully themselves? Am I clear with them about my desires, rather than expecting them to read my mind all the time?  

Ask these things of yourself first, and then consider if your partner meets your needs in these ways.  If you answered yes in both cases, that’s great news! If not, you may need to come back and reflect on why you answered “no.” It’s a great opportunity to start a dialogue in these relationships to work on moving them toward a healthier place!