The New York Times best-selling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, now fully revised with a new foreword and a brand-new chapter.
Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of people experience more satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists and happy couples around the world. Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt explain how to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions to help you:
• Discover why you chose your mate
• Resolve the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy
• Learn to listen – really listen – to your partner
• Increase fun and laughter in your relationship
• Begin healing early childhood experiences by stretching into new behaviors
• Become passionate friends with your partner
• Achieve a common vision of your dream relationship
Become the most connected couple you know with this revolutionary guide, combining behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to help you and your partner recapture joy, enhance closeness, and experience the reward of a deeply fulfilling relationship.
“What a treasure this book is, full of the insight, wisdom, and empathy that enriches loving relationships, even those that may seem worn at the seams or beyond hope. Harville and Helen bring fresh ideas, kind hearts, and deep humanity to everything and everyone they encounter.” ―Diane Ackerman, author of A Natural History of Love and other books
“This new edition of Getting the Love You Want, after an amazing 4 million readers, Helen and Harville show how to create safety with an interactional structure that allows two lovers to turn escalating conflicts into a win-win dialogue that is enriched by partners’ differences. Readers will benefit from the new wisdom of these two pioneers in understanding relationships.” ―Julie Schwartz Gottman & John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work
“In this 30th anniversary edition of the their timeless classic, Getting the Love you Want, Helen Hunt and Harville Hendrix have teamed up to provide couples with a time tested strategy to improve their relationships. By combining Imago Therapy with a new scientific understanding of how brain and behaviors change, Getting the Love You Want will help couples untangle the deep and confusing mysteries of love and connection and help them harvest the joy and healing power present in healthy, mutual, intimate relationships.” ―Amy Banks, M.D., senior scholar at the Wellesley Centers for Women, Wellesley College and author of Wired to Connect: The Surprising Link Between Brain Science and Strong, Healthy Relationships
“Getting the Love You Want is one of the most important relationship books of all time. It is a classic. Harville and Helen’s insight that we are attracted to mates that are similar to our caregivers is one of the most important revelations in the field of relationship psychology. Millions have benefited from this book, and so will you.” ―Doug Abrams, coauthor of The Book of Joy, and Rachel Abrams M.D., author of BodyWise
“Getting the Love You Want is an awesome book. Relationships are the key to life, and this book is a key to getting it right. This book has stood the test of time to be one of the best, and the updates are timely and relevant. We are total fans of Harville and Helen, and love this book.” ―Scott & Theresa Beck, cofounders of Gloo, LLC
“Where would we be without Getting the Love You Want? This articulate, wisdom-drenched, and profoundly knowledgeable book has given us tangible relational support when we’ve needed it most. More than just advice, this soulful and practical handbook has helped us build a foundational template for our marriage. We are forever grateful to Helen and Harville for sharing what is certainly among the greatest contributions to relational healing and harmony. Now, more than ever, its pages offer guidance, vision, rituals, insights, and illumination for cultivating and maintaining a healthy and vibrant partnership.” ―Grammy Award-winning singer and songwriter Alanis Morissette & rapper Souleye
“This superb updated revision of Getting the Love You Want will inspire you to create deeper, more loving connection. The exercises alone are powerful reminders of how to love more elegantly.” ―Ellyn Bader, Ph.D, founder of The Couples Institute and creator of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy
“Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix have done it again! Their powerful approach to bringing love alive in a couple’s relationship through the creation of safety, trust, and connection enables us to let go of the common images of what we’ve longed for in our past to become fully present for our partner right now. Science affirms what these two pioneers in loving relationships have taught for decades: by taking practical steps to increase our self-understanding and cultivate clear communication, we can achieve the kind of intimacy and connection we’ve often longed for. By teaching us how to create safe conversations that open us to the true person in front of our eyes, we are literally able to get the love we want―and then some! Take in these time-tested practical steps to love and enjoy the freedom and closeness you deserve.” ―Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Mindsight Institute,New York Times-bestselling author of Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence
“Harville and Helen have been a force in the world of relationships for decades, and their work has inspired so many. Imago theory and therapy help set a foundation for couples to know themselves, and each other, in ways that will serve them for a lifetime.” ―Scott Kriens, cofounder of 1440 Multiversity
“If you were to read one book one book that would change the way you relate to the most important people in your life, this is that book. When published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want was the first to stress the importance of loving partnership for emotional wellbeing. The messages in it are still most important for anyone, male or female, gay or straight, who want to be in a healthy, happy relationship.” ―Marion Solomon, PhD, coauthor of Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy
“Learn: how the imprints of the past unconsciously eclipse the present. Learn: how safety is fundamental to illuminating relationships. Learn: to practice conscious partnership to brighten your future together. The goal of living is enriching connection. There are no better relationship experts from which to learn than Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.” ―Jeffrey K. Zeig, Ph.D, the Milton H. Erickson Foundation
“The world has changed drastically since the first edition of Getting the Love You Want thirty years ago, and so have many of the dynamics we see between partners. Fortunately, our knowledge about how to help couples improve their relationships has expanded alongside these changes. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKellyHunt have kept pace with the times. Their new edition provides guidance for couples who are ‘doubly challenged’―both from childhood wounding and also from the cultural reward system in which they operate. At the same time, readers still receive all the many effective exercises from the last edition.” ―Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) and founder the PACT Institute
About the Author
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., is the author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, a New York Times bestseller that has sold more than two million copies. He has more than thirty years’ experience as an educator and therapist. He specializes in working with couples in private practice, teaching marital therapy to therapists, and conducting couples workshops across the country. Dr. Hendrix is the founder/director of the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy. He lives in New Jersey and New Mexico.
Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD., is co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. She and her husband, Harville Hendrix, have more than thirty years’ experience as educators and therapists and their work has been translated into more than 50 languages, with Imago practiced by two thousand therapists worldwide. Helen and Harville have six children and live in New York and New Mexico.