“Genuine relationships depend first on a healthy relationship with ourselves.” – Sonia Choquette

We live in relationship with others. Often, when we want our relationships to change, we focus on what the OTHER person needs to do in order to better the relationship. 

Ideally, we would love to be on the same page in our relationships, both wanting to work on things to improve overall health. But that doesn’t always happen. Does that mean all is lost and the relationship can never improve or transform?

Whether it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, or even family relationship, when it comes to transformation, the change starts with one person…YOU.

We have relationships not only with others, but with ourselves. Many of the problems and stresses we experience in relationships can be positively impacted by transforming ourselves and our own thoughts and perceptions first.

Dr. Wayne Dyer famously said, “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”

How we handle our relationships in the present is a reflection of how we’ve responded to and handled conflict in the past. What we believe on the inside about ourselves and about others has created the habits we bring into relationships; we alone can change that pivotal part of the equation. 

It may be easy to focus solely on all the things that the other person could do to make the relationship better (If she would just listen more…If he would stop doing XYZ), but that’s not nearly as effective as nurturing your relationship with yourself first, then bringing that to the table. 

Examine yourself and your own actions and take responsibility for what you can, when you can. When you are a better partner or friend, it encourages that in the other as well. Become that which you look for in others, and you will naturally attract that kind of person to you.  As you shift your focus to being the best YOU that you can be, the best THEM will begin showing up, too.  Let them know things you value and appreciate about them instead of focusing on the negatives, and slowly but surely, your relationship struggles will turn into relationship strengths.